Today in Tabs: Not Awl Writers

Tim Cook brought mind-blowing numbers, like "two thirds!" and "nine million!" Robert Galbraith/Reuters

Brooklyn Magazine's Chris Chafin is only the latest New York writer to prove that you can make any boring story interesting by making it actually a profile of Choire. In this case it's ostensibly a tale of the renaissance, or possibly just naissance, of Downtown Brooklyn which is now officially nicknamed DoBro due to what Choire may have thought was a joke but will become the actual name of the neighborhood, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of our lives. The piece also brilliantly negs any Awl writer whose fortunes were not made by its coveted byline: "to write there and never receive even an offer is to know, with certainty, that the right people are seeing your work and simply don't find it very interesting." Ouch. This looks like as good an excuse as any for some top-notch recent Awl work, though, so here: Phrosties are definitely the summer food trend. Can u not with the metrics? How did Slender Man go from totally open internet fabrication to myth real enough to inspire attempted murder? And Leon Neyfakh documented one unique New York struggle.

Buzzfeed Ideas editor Ayesha Siddiqi is out after just two months on the job, having apparently been fired for calling out her Buzzfeed co-workers on public Twitter instead of communicating internally, which sort of seems like a weaselly reason to fire someone, and maybe it is? But this thread that unfolded in the comments on that Gawker piece immediately demonstrated why it's better if public Twitter isn't your first recourse for calling foul on your brand-mates. Or public Kinja, as the case may be, although Kinja probably shouldn't be your first recourse for writing anything about any subject at all. Siddiqi appears to have landed on her feet as the new editor in chief of The New Inquiry.

Apple did its annual WWDC song and dance, cooing over and demoing everything they've come up with in the last year. The Verge has excruciatingly complete coverage if that's the sort of thing you're into. Buzzfeed has some less excruciatingly complete coverage. Tim Cook brought mind-blowing numbers, like "two thirds!" and "nine million!" Over at Venturebeat, Richard Byrne Reilly decided that straight-up racism was the best angle, feigning surprise that multi-millionaire rapper, producer, and now audio hardware mogul Dr. Dre was "sober" for a major, pre-arranged, on-stage demo phone call with his headphone company's new corporate owner. "Apple must have been praying Dr. Dre wasn't loaded during his live video conference at today's WWDC 14," writes Reilly, who should probably just go take up potato farming now and leave journalism to the grownups. And finally, everyone tried to make the same joke as usual.

Today in Never Not Mentioning Patricia Lockwood: Our favorite new poet was reviewed by more dudes! Slate took its crack, as did the NYT which I feel like I've already tabbed but w/e? And Mallory Ortberg responded to the awful New Yorker DOT COM review which a just world would have allowed her to be above doing, but unfortunately we do not live in a just world.

Hurricane Tabs: A study in PNAS claims that female-named hurricanes kill more people than male-named hurricanes because we don't take women seriously. And while it's true we don't take women seriously, and The Washington Post and Vox were happy to accept it at face value, I have my doubts. So does National Geographic.

Today in Hoaxes, this amazing baseball-dude video is definitely fake. Today in Dads. Today in haunted Canadian coins. Today in vanity Google news alert misfires. Today in news about Medium collections on Medium. Today in being a totally normal person.

Today's Bot: @everyword is almost finished! You may be interested in this @everyword sentence-finding tool by John Holdun if you want to make everyone who follows you on twitter hate you.

Today's Delayed Attribution: Yesterday's Lion King joke was by the great Bobby Finger as far as I know. Sorry, it was meant to be an homage but in retrospect looked like theft. Also I screwed up the wording. What a jerk.

What Is The KLF Gonna Do: Rock ya

~Hey Jane get me off this crazy thing... called Tabs...~

Today in Tabs was almost early again today but then things happened. We are sponsored and syndicated by Newsweek where there are also embedded videos and stuff. Many of you also enjoy our fine email delivery version. Kicker intentionally omitted.