Today in Tabs: Ye Tabbes of Yore

The Colbert Report
The Colbert Report got into trouble for a racist tweet they didn't post but which was unfortunately the text of a racist joke they did air Joshua Roberts/Reuters

A long time ago, friends, back in the dark days of ought-'13, before the era of Newsweek, Today in Tabs was a somewhat different thing. More cramped, more dense, less comprehensible... sometimes incomprehensible. It rarely exceeded 600 words, and complete sentences were few and far between. I was, after all, writing for a couple hundred people who probably all knew each other. Today I've been traveling and frankly I'm feeling lazy, so I'm returning to the old style. If you're new, it's not usually like this. Not the whole thing, anyway.

Poultry in Motion: Smells Won't Discourage Turkeys vs. Staten Island Woman Allegedly Punched 80-Year-Old Neighbor, Ran Over His Hen, and Then Gave It a Cigarette

Anxiety drugs will kill you but at least you won't be worried about it. Write for Entertainment Weekly for the prestige. Eat garbage for the flavor. Virtually every other species would benefit if we got rid of all the cats. Choire says: Noah fence, but I hated it. My Pinterest was also hacked, I am not interested in the diaper baby lifestyle, why won't these hackers leave me alone. Quote that speaks for itself: "I was irate. In a place like Park Slope, it's culturally insensitive..."

The Colbert Report got into trouble for a racist tweet they didn't post but which was unfortunately the text of a racist joke they did air. Look I'm hopelessly compromised here, by virtue of having a business relationship with Mr. Colbert and one of his writers, and by virtue of being a middle-aged college-educated upper-class white male American, and therefore a confirmed member of the most privileged group the world has ever seen, and maybe the most privileged group the world ever will see. But for what it's worth (which, let's reiterate, is less than nothing) I thought this was a pretty solid take on it.

What's the Citizen Kane of likes?

— Object Lessons (@objectsobjects) March 28, 2014

Put On Your Oculus and Join the ZuckerBorg: Facebook is available on Oculus Rift already! danah boyd demonstrates that virtual reality is sexist, using science. I guess this means virtual reality is exactly like real reality! But with the Oculus purchase, Facebook is back to sucking again.

I get why this is not ok, because this guy is telling a whole group of people to shut up, but the actual concept of a gaycation strikes me as a pretty great idea. If anyone is planning gaycations, I would sign up for one.

This is a hairy frogfish. It wants to be your friend (Photo: Barcroft Media)

— Guardian US (@GuardianUS) March 27, 2014

Gawker Media's Weekly 'Splainer is back, and this time Hamilton Nolan finally said something that is incontrovertibly true and right: someone desperately needs to disrupt rental agents.

Real sorry about this, KFan. I didn't know. TWoP shut down. I mean not that I read it in the last 8 years but still, it's a bummer. Mort Hangnail and the gang at Wired punk'd us, and were themselves punk'd in the Great Clippy Caper. America's fastest-growing bank gets out of the game-selling business.

Everything is a Hoax: I have no proof yet but surely this road-rage video is a hoax. Well done, though.

Today's Radio Story: Painting returns home

Today's Dumb Answer: Magic Johnson

~When you like something it's a tab, but when I like something it's a manifesto~

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