Woman Backed for Not Attending Funeral of Estranged Friend's Husband

The internet has backed a woman refusing to go to the funeral of a friend's husband because they haven't spoken in eight years.

In a post on Reddit's popular r/AmITheA**hole forum, u/Dawn_In_Danger asked: "AITA for not attending my ex-friend's husband's funeral?"

A survey recently commissioned by Disney asked 2,000 adults in the U.K. about their friendships. Results found that most adults said they have 10 "good" friends, while the average friendship lasts for 17 years.

But it is not unusual for people to have lost touch in recent years. Following the outbreak of the COVID-19 pandemic—and many of the quarantine requirements and self-imposed isolation that followed—nearly half of Americans (47 percent) report having lost touch with at least a few friends, while one in 10 say they have lost touch with most of their friends in recent years.

In the now-viral post with thousands of upvotes and hundreds of comments, the poster explained: "Eight years ago, my best friend since childhood (I'll call her M) completely ghosted me. She fully cut me off without a word of explanation. I honestly still have no idea why she did it—there wasn't a fight or any incident that I could pinpoint. I texted her 2 or 3 times a week to please explain what I'd done and at least talk to me one last time, but she never did."

Following the experience that she describes as painful and traumatic, the woman explained that it took several years but she eventually was able to make peace with the situation: "I'm no longer resentful or angry at M, but I have no desire to interact with her ever again," she wrote.

Women at a funeral
A stock image of two women comforting each other at a funeral. The internet has backed a woman for refusing to go to an old friend's husband's funeral. standret/Getty Images

But in recent weeks, the Redditor had been contacted by a mutual friend, V, who is still close with M and told the poster at the time that she had no idea why their friend had cut her off.

V updated her friend that their old mutual friend had suddenly lost her husband. "She started dating him after she cut me off, so I never met him," explained the poster: "I genuinely feel really sorry for her. I thought about sending some flowers or something as a small olive branch (not in an attempt to rekindle the friendship, just to offer my condolences) but then decided against it because I figured that hearing from me, a person she obviously doesn't want in her life, may make her feel worse while she's already grieving."

But not much later, V texted her friend to organize "plans for the funeral" which shocked the Redditor who explained that she had no intention of going to the funeral.

"V blew up at me. She said that I was being selfish and petty about something that happened almost a decade ago, and letting my hurt feelings get in the way of being there for my friend," explained the poster.

"I told her that M chose not to be my friend eight years ago and hadn't been there for me during anything since, so I didn't feel that it was my place to show up for her."

Considering that their mutual friend M had not reached out since 2014, the poster explained she felt it was presumptuous to assume that M would want her there, but V quickly hit back, calling the woman a "coward."

Confused by the ordeal, the woman asked the internet if she was missing something: "Am I being the a**hole by not reaching out to M or attending her husband's funeral?" she asked.

In hundreds of comments, Reddit users shared their thoughts—overwhelmingly backing the woman for refusing to attend the funeral.

One reply with over 9,000 upvotes said: "Since you have zero clue why M ghosted you, you also have zero clue whether your presence would be a comfort or a curse. No matter how close you were back then, you are not in her top 5 closest friends right now. So certainly you don't show up unannounced."

Another commenter said: "She elected to discontinue the relationship years ago. You're under no obligation to be there for her now."

"You're not friends anymore and you never met the guy," said another reply: "That's not selfish or petty, that's just life, people move on."

Newsweek has reached out to u/Dawn_In_Danger for comment. We were unable to verify the details of this case.

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