Reason Woman Is Keeping New Address a Secret From Mom Cheered: 'Suspicious'
A 23-year-old woman was backed online after sharing that she's keeping her new home address a "secret" from her controlling parents after a falling out about her relationship.
"I recently moved in with my boyfriend. We've been dating for a couple of years now and my parents didn't know about him. This was because they would not approve for various reasons (different religion/culture/race)," the woman wrote in a now-viral post on Reddit's AITA (Am I The A******?).
"Well, they found out. Believe it or not but my mom got suspicious, followed me and saw me with him. They gave me absolute hell and I don't think [that I had ever] cried that much in years. The things they said about me and my boyfriend were extremely hurtful and I decided that enough was enough. My boyfriend immediately had me move in and my sister helped," she said.
It's now been a couple of months now since the pair moved in together, and while the poster's father still won't speak to her, her mother has softened. However, she hasn't apologized for the way she treated her daughter.
"Anyways, none of them know my address. My sister and friends do, but my parents do not. They have absolutely no idea where I am," the Redditor wrote. "While my mom claimed not to care for the first months, she's began asking me to give her the address so that she knows I'm safe and where to look if something ever happened. Thing is, I don't want to. She promises she won't tell my dad until he cools down but I don't believe her.
The Redditor believes that her mother is upset about the strong boundary that she's established. Unsure whether she was being fair in her decision or not, the woman called upon others in the AITA subreddit to assess the situation.
Since it was shared to the social media platform on March 4 by @Throwaway__123401, the post which can be seen here has been upvoted by 97% of the users who engaged with it and commented on over a thousand times. Most of the users who commented slammed the woman's mother and backed her decision, claiming that her mother's behaviors are abusive.
What Do the Comments Say?
"[Not the a******], but prepare for what you'd do if she finds out through other means, because if she followed you once, she will again," one person commented.
Another Redditor advised: "OP you need to do yourself a favor and speak to the local police department in case your mom tries to report you as a missing person. Abusive people do this when things escalate and she will likely escalate this if you don't give in."
How Can You Handle Controlling Parents?
Healthcare site WebMD says that even as an adult if you are struggling with a controlling parent, it's time to set some boundaries.
"First, use detachment. Don't get into a battle, and engage your [parent] in active listening," an article on the site reads. "Active listening means you pay attention to what your [parent] is saying without judgment. Let them finish what they have to say before you react. Have the confidence to say what doesn't work for you and why."
The article added that when setting firm boundaries, a controlling parent may go on the defensive: "Your discussion can escalate into a disagreement, where it's hard to find a way to meet in the middle. That's where detachment with love comes in. Use an even, measured tone even when your [parent] is extra anxious or controlling."
Jack Hazan, a licensed psychotherapist and the author of Mind Over Batter: 75 Recipes for Baking as Therapy, told Newsweek that "at their core, controlling and over-protective parents are usually just afraid that if they give their child too much freedom, they will get into trouble."
"However, helicopter parenting rarely works. The young adult should approach this parenting style with communicating their need for autonomy in order to grow and develop," he said.
Hazan, also the founder of the Modern Therapy Group, a virtual telehealth therapy group, advised that teenagers and young adults navigating such situations commit to following some of the rules and boundaries set by their parents, but also ask them to trust that they will be fine without constant interference in their lives.
"I advise young people to point out their 'track record' to their parents to help them feel safe in letting go of control and allowing for independence," he said. "Check-ins and communication are helpful for establishing trust between parent and child."
If you have a family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
