Woman Refusing to Cancel Her Plans on Day of Boyfriend's Diagnosis Praised
A woman has received support from Reddit users after sharing that she'd prioritized attending a social event over staying at home with her unwell partner.
The dilemma was shared by @Inevitable-Trip3538 on February 19, and has been upvoted by 95 percent of Reddit users. Most sided with the woman, sympathizing with her over her partner.
The Redditor had revealed that her boyfriend had recently been diagnosed with anemia. The pair had a huge fight after she chose to attend the event, instead of staying in to spend time with him.
"I work in event planning so I always get invites or tickets to go high end events. There was a huge event coming up that I was really excited to go to," the woman shared in the Reddit post.
"I asked my boyfriend 3 days before the event to accompany me and he said yes. On the day of the event, he said [h]e had a doctor's appointment so he isn't sure if he can still attend.
"A couple hours later he texted me and said he has something to tell me. I asked if everything was okay and he said he was diagnosed with anemia so he'll have to take supplements," she continued.
The Redditor expressed how sorry she was. She spoke to her boyfriend on the matter for hours, gave him pep talks, and told him that she would be here if he needed her. She also reassured him that she'll always love him and look after him.
The Reddit post reads: "I then asked if he would still like to attend the event with me to take his mind off of things to which he responded that he doesn't like the artistes performing so he'd rather go another event. I said No Problem, I will go with my stepsister alone. He got upset and hung up."
The pair got into an argument later on. The woman's partner called her selfish, criticized her priorities and labeled her ignorant.
Of the 3,000-plus comments that the post has garnered, most Redditors have expressed that they feel the woman's boyfriend is being unreasonable in this situation. Users wrote that his health condition is not serious enough to warrant him being this demanding.
When Should You Prioritize Your Partner?
Melanie Cooke is a licensed mental-health counselor. She argues that our time has become even more scarce and precious because of how much work has seeped into our personal lives.
"Making time for your partner has to be an active choice and an intentional top priority among all the other priorities and choices we have to make in the day," Cooke told Newsweek.
"I often see couples assume that any 'leftover' time in their day is what will be dedicated to their partner, but there are two major issues with this passive stance—1) realistically, we don't have as much 'extra' time as we think we will, and 2) free time and availability are two very different things. Partners don't just need your time, they need you to be emotionally available and engaged," she added.
Cooke advises that people who feel like they're no longer a priority for their partner should have a discussion with their other half to try to rebalance the dynamic.
"Sharing how you feel with openness and curiosity really goes a long way. The key here is also time," the counselor said.
"When tensions and emotions are running high, sharing that you feel like you're no longer a priority in the moment might only make your partner more defensive, rather than receptive and open to collaborative solutions," Cooke said.
"Your feelings are valid and need to be communicated, so sharing them with your partner during a neutral time, not in the moment of frustration, will give you the best chance of being heard, respected, and reassured," she added.
Cooke also advises that people use "I" statements when speaking with their partner to help calm defensive reactions and foster more productive conversations.
What Do the Comments Say?
The majority of the Redditors have chosen to side with the woman and slammed her husband for acting unreasonably.
"Anemia is generally a completely treatable condition that has no impact on quality of life, and unless the doctor referenced a concern about a more serious condition, it's reasonable to assume that supplements are all that is needed at this point," one user shared.
"It sounds more like he's using it as an excuse to get out of something he didn't want to do, then taking it a step further to try to manipulate you," the user added.
Another Redditor commented: "I literally laughed when I got to "anemia." I'm sure [the original poster]'s boyfriend must not know how incredibly mundane such a thing is, and anemia sucks. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt for his overreaction, but either way, this is not something you cancel your afternoon snack over, let alone an event you've been looking forward to."
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