Woman Urged To Dump Boyfriend for Cheating With Young and 'Gorgeous' Ex

A man who cheated on his partner with his "gorgeous" ex-girlfriend—who is 16 years younger—has received a wave of backlash from users on Mumsnet, who urged his partner to "ditch" him.

In a post shared by the man's partner (under the username Talos) on the online forum, the man (who the user has been seeing for six months) previously left his wife for this ex-girlfriend.

They saw each other on/off for five years before the ex broke things off.

According to Talos, the man told her that "he has strong feelings for her [the ex]" but that he "loves" and "wants to be with" the user. A few weeks earlier, he said that he met the ex and they "went to his and kissed" but claimed they "didn't sleep together."

Woman with hands on face, couple embracing.
A woman with hands to her face, while a couple embrace in the background. iStock/Getty Images Plus

He promised that he won't contact the ex, who is moving back to the city where he and the user both live.

He later then informed the user that he's going to do a year-long sabbatical in Sicily, which is near where the ex lives. The man claimed "it's really not linked in any way" and that the user should go with him to Sicily, which made her "feel pretty sick."

Talos said: "Problem is that I googled her, she's young, pretty gorgeous, looks like a bloody model and is twenty years younger than me .... I'm slowly killing myself with paranoia and insecurities.

"I honestly feel completely awful about the whole thing and I know it was just a kiss, but I am now desperately trying to lose weight / be more attractive and it's making me miserable," the user added.

Paranoia around the potential for future infidelity expressed by the user may not be entirely unfounded.

According to an August 2017 study published in the peer-reviewed journal Archives of Sexual Behavior, "prior infidelity emerged as an important risk factor for infidelity in next relationships."

The study found that those who reported engaging in "having sexual relations with someone other than their partner" (abbreviated in the study as ESI) in the first relationship "were three times more likely to report engaging in ESI in their next relationship compared to those who did not report engaging in ESI in the first relationship.

"Similarly, compared to those who reported that their first-relationship partners did not engage in ESI, those who knew that their partners in the first relationships had engaged in ESI were twice as likely to report the same behavior from their next relationship partners," the study said.

Several other users on Mumsnet shared messages of support for the user, urging her to "chuck" her boyfriend and to not punish herself.

Penguinsmum said: "Raise your standards fast! Walk away and hold your head up high."

DashboardConfessional said: "You dump him. This could not possibly be any clearer. How would he feel if you 'just kissed' an ex or work colleague?"

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo also said to "chuck him," noting there are "plenty of decent men out there who won't leave you feeling inadequate."

WeeOrcadian highlighted that: "He's shown you who he is [by cheating multiple times]—believe him. More than that—believe in your self worth. You can do so much better than this."

Pollywoddles wrote: "Know your worth, run! Your head will always be wrecked with this one, the relationship is ruined."

User neverbeenskiing also said: "You can't trust him," explaining "he's a cheater so you're 100 percent right to be suspicious of him!"

HippoRaine agreed that the user should "ditch him," adding "don't punish yourself by dieting or whatever, lose weight positively for yourself if you want to, not because you feel inadequate."

FOJN said: "Please stop doing this to yourself [desperately trying to lose weight and be more attractive]," pointing out that the man has "a history of infidelity" and the user "will never feel anything other than insecure and anxious about him finding someone else" by staying with him.

"There are better men out there, cut your losses. It wasn't just a kiss," FOJN added.