Members of a popular internet forum were outraged after one man revealed why he overlooked the slew of sexist remarks his friend directed at his sister.
In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITheA**hole, Redditor u/Scary_Foundation_608 (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) explained how his friend who frequently makes "sh*tty, sexist" comments and "has a really old-fashioned view" recently came into contact with his sister, and detailed the aftermath of their explosive interaction.
Titled, "[Am I the a**hole for ignoring my friend's sexist remarks towards my sister instead of calling him out on them?," the viral post has received nearly 7,500 votes and 3,500 comments in the last day.
Beginning with the explanation that he "usually just ignore[s]" his friend's sexism because "he's actually a cool guy besides all that," the original poster said he was driving his friend home when the pair stopped to pick up his older sister.
"I invited my big sister for a dinner yesterday since we hadn't seen each other in about two months," he wrote.
"My sister is a stout feminist advocate," he added.
During the car ride, the original poster said his friend was "being a f*****g idiot," and spewing his usual "sexist jokes and remarks." In response, the original poster said his sister told his friend to "shut the f**k up."
Then, it was mayhem.
"He flipped out and spat out a slew of sexist sh*t, and honestly he was speaking so fast I couldn't even understand what he said," the original poster wrote. "Dude was literally foaming at the mouth."
"My sister was pissed and asked me why I tolerate him and why he's my friend," he continued. "I told her the truth that I just ignore what he says about women because other than that he's a cool dude."
"My sister then got really mad, and then she asked to be dropped off at her home instead of dinner," he concluded.
For men, calling out male peers for covert, or overt examples of sexism can be difficult. However, male-to-male intervention is crucial to the ongoing battle for gender equality.
In 2020, the Harvard Business Review (HBR) published an article titled, "How Men Can Confront Other Men About Sexist Behavior."
Throughout the article, authors W. Brad Johnson and David G. Smith point out that, although many men claim to be doing "all they can" to support gender equality, examples of sexist behavior and attempts to undermine equality continue to run rampant.
"Active confrontation of other men for sexism, bias, harassment, and all manner of inappropriate behavior may be the toughest part of male allyship," the HBR article reads. "It is also utterly essential."
In cases like the one described in the viral Reddit post, where a man is constantly making sexist remarks and clearly has no intention of listening, or understanding why his behavior is harmful, both Johnson and Smith recommend public and immediate intervention.
"It is essential to confront in public, especially if the comment or behavior was egregious and likely to...damage the relational environment, or if the perpetrator is a serial offender, rigid in his attitudes toward women, and unlikely to respond to private corrective feedback," their article reads.
Redditors responding to the viral post echoed that sentiment, and called out the original poster for his failure to intervene as his friend repeatedly insulted his sister.
"[You're the a**hole,"] Redditor u/originalglazedkrispy wrote in the post's top comment, which has received more than 27,000 votes.
"'He's actually a cool guy besides all that' but he was 'literally foaming at the mouth' while telling someone how much he hates women," they continued, sarcastically.
"Defending your sister isn't even the main issue—spending time with and defending an a**hole like this who spends his free time hating on women says more about your character than his," they added.
Redditor u/subtle_advocate, whose comment has received more than 10,000 votes, offered a similar response.
"[You're the a**hole] and I will explain why," they began. "This 'good dude' has displayed bad attitudes and disdain against women. Or in very real terms, he's abusive towards half the population of the world, and you still see him as a good dude."
"You are more worried about losing this guy's friendship than you are about your sister feeling safe and supported in your presence," they added. "Because you will not stop those attitudes from being voiced in your presence, you are the reason sexism is allowed to thrive, not him."
"You KNEW that no matter what he said, he would be hurting her," another Redditor chimed in. "Then after you told her that it basically doesn't matter that he hurt her because 'he's a cool dude.'"
Newsweek reached out to u/Scary_Foundation_608 for comment.
