Man Forbidding Sister From Meeting His Toddler Praised: 'My Boundaries'

The internet has backed a man who's forbidding his sister from having a relationship with his family, after they became estranged years ago because of a mistake their mother made.

In a post shared to Reddit last Wednesday, titled "AITA for forbidding my sister to meet my child and telling my wife to butt out of the situation," the man, posting under username u/thegoldenstitch, explained that when he was in his senior year of high school, his mom cheated on his dad with a co-worker, and his dad left her and moved out immediately.

While his sister forgave his mom, because she only cheated once and she was really sorry about cheating, he thought what she did was unforgivable, and moved out to live with his dad.

The two haven't had much contact since. He sent her an invite to his wedding four years ago, but she refused to attend, and that was the last they spoke.

According to the Institute for Family Studies (IFS), men are generally more likely than women to cheat, in fact, their data shows that 20 percent of men and 13 percent of women reported sleeping with someone other than their spouse while married.

However, the gender gap varies with age. The IFS data shows that women in their 60s report the highest rate of infidelity, about 16 percent, but the share goes down sharply among women in their 70s and 80s.

According to the poster, for some reason after years of no contact, a few months ago his wife received a call from his brother-in-law asking to "mend the bridge," and since then his wife and his sister have started to chat and exchange pictures of the kids.

He is now demanding that his wife stops all contact with his family because it makes him really uncomfortable, saying that his child won't miss this side of his family because he still has his dad and cousins, and they are pretty close to his wife's family.

He added: "Also any pic she sends could easily be forwarded to my mom and she needed to think about that. She said she doesn't even understand why my mom can't meet her kid and that comment alone p****ed me off because I've explained my family drama for years and it feels like she just ignored it.

"I said she really needs to think about who she wants to appease because I'm not gonna stand for disrespect of my boundaries. My dad totally agrees with me and is telling me I should start setting aside money now for [an] exit strategy."

Florence Ann Romano, a personal growth strategist and author of Build Your Village: A Guide to Finding Joy and Community in Every Stage of Life, told Newsweek that this is a very complicated situation with many layers, and the husband's request to not send photos to his family should be respected.

"Though other family members may wish the outstanding issues could be repaired, the desire to do so has to come from the husband. No one can make someone do something unless they want to—that's a tale as old as time," Romano said.

"The wife can certainly work through these family dynamics privately with her husband, if he is willing to do so, and perhaps that is the path to reconciliation. But what the wife is doing, by sending photos behind his back, is an act of betrayal."

The post, originally shared on the r/AmItheA****** subreddit, where users discuss their actions with online strangers, has gone viral, receiving over 13,400 upvotes and 7,200 comments so far.

One user, why-everything-meh, commented: "[Not The A******]—This was all clearly defined at the beginning of your relationship. Why does she even care? Follow your dad's advice. The only concern if you were to break up over this is custody. On her time she could very well take your child to meet your mother and there is zero you could do about it."

Automatic_Value7555 said: "People who grew up with healthy families just CAN NOT grasp that there can be valid reasons to cut someone off. I've been married 25+ years, and my husband has WITNESSED the s*** that these people pull, but there are still moments where he falls into happy family fantasy land. My only (civil) response is, 'Are you new here? [Not The A******]."

And Vivid_Knee_5159 said: "There are valid reasons to cut people off but I'm not really sure that this counts as one. Also that last comment from OP's dad about his wife acting like his mom used to before she cheated? Seems like the dad has turned OP against the mom. I'm not saying it was right to cheat at all but a one-off mistake doesn't seem like a reason to throw away all contact."

Tyren22 added: "Cheating isn't exactly a 'whoopsie.' You can't just sweep it under the rug like nothing happened. It's up to the people involved whether they can forgive, and it's entirety fair for OP not to, because the act of cheating tore apart their family. He's against his sister because his sister demanded forgiveness for their mother that he wasn't ready to give (and might not ever be)."

Newsweek reached out to u/thegoldenstitch for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.

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