Man Who 'Abandoned' Wife and Baby Dragged for Saying He 'Tolerates' Her Job

A woman's husband is being dragged online for wanting her to be a stay-at-home mother despite her doing that in the past and it taking a toll on her.

The now-viral Reddit post, titled, "AITA for 'bringing up the past,' has been upvoted 11,400 times since it was shared to the subreddit "Am I The A**hole." Redditor @NigerianLlama shared the post on June 5, and it has received over 500 comments.

According to Pew Research Center's analysis of the United States Census Bureau data for 2016, more than 11 million parents, or a total of 18 percent, didn't work outside their home. Stay-at-home parents equate to 1 in 5 in the country. The number of stay-at-home parents is almost the same as it was in 1989, however, there has been an increase with dads taking on that role.

The original poster's (OP) husband has been married to her husband for 16 years, and he wants her to be a stay-at-home mother. She tried that for three years from 2015 to 2018, but doing so "took a toll on my mental health so much that I ended up" going back to work.

Her job requires her to travel maybe once every two months for three to four days, and it's not a "demanding" job otherwise, and the schedule is quite "flexible."

The woman and her husband have two kids, a 14-year-old and a 5-year-old. During the week the OP's mother stays at their house to babysit, and they also have a "house helper" that does work around the house and helps take care of the younger child.

"My husband doesn't like the fact that I have to travel and [he's] always making remarks that I don't fully do my job as a mother," the OP explained. "He says that while he ['tolerates'] that I have a job, I really don't have to since he can provide for us."

The woman admitted it gets on her nerves as when their first child was a newborn, her husband often went on vacations with his friends, leaving her to take care of the baby. She never told him he couldn't back then because she thought that he needed the "experience," and she didn't really care for traveling at the time. She also revealed they were married young, and most of their friends were still single at the time.

"So I told him that he doesn't get to guilt trip me for my work travel while he basically abandoned me and our baby vacationing with his friends, and I never made it an issue," the OP explained.

Her husband said she was an a**hole for bringing up something that occurred more than a decade ago. Although the OP didn't really care back then, she wanted him to know that he put her in the "hot seat" for a "sin" that he also did and never had consequences for, adding that it may be worse as she travels for her job and he traveled for "leisure."

In a comment to another Redditor, the OP revealed "what baffles me is that he knows that I [had] mental health issues when I became [a] SAHM. And he still thinks it is for the best that I become one."

In another comment, she admitted that her husband is "sexist," and that she is "really uncomfortable" that he uses the word "tolerate" as if she isn't a person.

Mother helping son
A "controlling" man is being slammed for wanting his wife to be a stay-at-home mom. Here, a mother helping her son with homework. OJO IMAGES/GETTY

She also added that her husband is a "good parent right now," adding that he stays and does his job as a dad when she travels. "My mom only babysits [in the] daytime when both of us are supposed to be at the office," she said. "I earn less than half of what he earns, so financially speaking, I indeed don't need to work. But I really hate being a SAHM and got depressed when I became one."

She also admitted he doesn't "mind" if she travels for leisure, and the OP added that she traveled abroad with her best friend, and he didn't "even bat an eye. He just hates the fact that I work."

Comments poured in over the viral situation, and people were backing the OP and slamming her husband. One such Redditor said, "'He says that while he 'tolerates' that I have a job.' This is a huge red flag. I'm sorry but you are not his property, and the fact that he thinks he gets to 'tolerate' you having a job is not OK. Also, NTA."

Another user thought the OP has a "sexist" husband, and they weren't the only ones. "Don't let him make you feel like you're not enough of a mother because you occasionally travel for work," they added. "Even if it was for fun, you'd be no less of a real mom. NTA, but at this point, his views are more than clear. And he's unlikely to change."

People used choice words to describe the OP's husband, and one Redditor called him "controlling," as well as a "misogynist" a**hole," and they think he's a bad influence on their kids.

"To expect his wife to be a SAHM?" they questioned. "To claim that he 'tolerates,' as in allows you to work? Freaking out because he wants you to be a mom and nothing more? Requiring a house sitter and your mom's assistance when you leave for a few days because he can't be a dad to his kids?"

The OP replied back that they chose to ask her mom for help to take care of the children on the weekdays when the parents go to work. She revealed daycare isn't a "thing" where they live, adding, "so to be fair it's not because he doesn't want to parent the kids."

Other users used the words "misogynist" and "sexist" to describe the man. "NTA, I'm sorry, but your husband is a misogynist," a user expressed.

Another user revealed they're "so sick and tired of prescribed gender roles," adding, "Dropkick his sexist a** back to the 50s. You don't deserve that crap. NTA. He's a major sexist and misogynistic AH."

While a Redditor thought the man is being "so hypocritical" while also being "disrespectful." He was able to travel for fun, leaving their kid and the OP alone for days, "while criticizing you for traveling literally to provide money for your family? He needs to get his stuff together."

A user called the OP's husband "toxic, controlling, and flat out disgusting." They reasoned it "doesn't matter if it was a decade ago" that he left her with the baby "because he sees childcare as beneath him and a women's job. You should demand therapy, and if he refuses, you should consider divorce. Your mental health is vital, and he knows it suffered when you stayed [at] home, he just doesn't care."

Redditor @NigerianLlama told Newsweek: "Well, I know how I wrote about my husband makes him [out] to be such a big jerk. However, he is now a good father and very much in hand with the childcare."

This isn't the only viral moment involving relationships. A man who took his unemployed fiancé's card to spoil his older brother is being slammed. A woman was backed for telling her family to "beg" her husband "for forgiveness." In addition, the internet is praising a "toxic" wife for saying no to her husband.

Updated 06/10/2022, 4:24 p.m. ET: This story has been updated with comments from Redditor @NigerianLlama.