Nurse Slammed for 'Disgusting' Comment to Adoptive Mother About 'Real' Mom

The internet has slammed a nurse who told an adoptive mother that she was not her daughter's "real mom."

Posting in Reddit's "Am I The A**hole" forum on Monday under the name u/whattheactualf**k13, the mother said that she told the nurse to "wash her mouth of the bulls**t" she'd said during their interaction.

In just five hours, the post has garnered more than 16,000 upvotes and over 2,300 comments from upset Redditors who argued that adoptive moms are, in fact, "real moms."

At the beginning of her post, the mother explained that she and her husband adopted their six-year-old daughter two years ago.

Mother and child with nurse
The internet has slammed a nurse who told an adoptive mother that she was not her daughter’s “real mom.” monkeybusinessimages/istock

"She does understand that she's adopted, and we've made it clear time and time again that even though she didn't come from my 'belly,' we still love her and treat her as if she did," the mother wrote.

During a doctor's visit the other day, the mother said that her child's nurse commented on her and her daughter's physical differences.

"The nurse comes in with the discharge sheet, and commented that she would have never assumed that I was the mother of my daughter since I looked nothing like her, which I don't," she said. "So then I said, 'Oh yeah, we adopted her so that's why she doesn't look like me or my husband.'"

"Then, this nurse goes, 'Oh okay so she isn't your daughter,'" the mother continued.

The mother said she was "confused" by the nurse's comment, so she reiterated that the six-year-old is her daughter.

"But technically she isn't your daughter, and her real mom is somewhere else," the nurse responded.

When the mother explained that she is the girl's mother, the nurse said: "Maybe legally you are, but her real mom is the one that gave birth to her...biologically, she's not yours."

Angry, the woman cursed at the nurse and stormed out of the office.

Writing for the Gladney Center for Adoption, foster and adoptive mom Christina Gochnauer said that the term "real mom" is "insulting."

"I'm not an imaginary person. I am just as real as my kids' biological mother is. Poke me, and I'll bleed, pinch me, I'll squeal and all that. So every mom, in that sense, is a real mom," she wrote.

She also suggested that the term may cause "confusion" in children, and may also prompt them to question the love their adoptive parents have for them.

Nefertiti Austin, a certified PS-MAPP trainer who co-leads classes for adoptive and foster parents, further explained that the term "adoptive parent" can also cause separation.

"It suggests that we are imposters and our efforts carry less weight than biological mothers," she wrote for PBS Kids. "Like natural moms, we struggle with time management, worry our kids will grow up to hate us, pray our daughter scores the winning goal and that we survive the terrible twos, twisted threes, and funny fours."

Nonprofit organization Adopted Together explained that when discussing a child's biological parents, many adoption professionals suggest using the term "birth parents."

Redditors agreed that the nurse's use of the term "real mom" was "disgusting," arguing that the u/whattheactualf**k13 is her daughter's "real" mom.

"You don't need to be a medical professional to have common decency. That was so wrong and so cruel. Adoptive moms ARE real moms," wrote u/GoodGirlsGrace.

"File a formal complaint," said u/JCBashBash. "She stood there and what is supposed to be a position of authority, dressed like a medical professional in front of your child, and was just spitting out her narrow-minded idea and kept doing so. I am livid for you."

u/Emaretlee commented: "A formal complaint is an absolute must. Not just to her employers but to the Nursing Board. This is absolutely disgusting on so many levels."

u/LetThemEatHay added: "That woman has no place dealing with patients or their parents if she doesn't understand that 'real' parents are the parents who have shown the f**k up for their kids."

Newsweek has reached out to u/whattheactualf**k13 for comment.

The mother's post isn't the first from the popular Reddit forum to garner online attention.

Last week, a teen who said she got her sister expelled from school went viral, as did a man whose wife said he "embarrassed" his mother-in-law at dinner.

And in March, a mom-to-be went viral for stating that she banned her husband and his family from the delivery room because they attempted to name her baby without consulting her.