The One Phrase All Women Need to Say on a First Date, According to Self-defense Expert

A woman has shared the "best dating advice" she's ever been given, after a self-defense expert told her a simple phrase all women should say on a first date.

While dating is a minefield with singletons navigating catfish and emotional baggage, there's a simple way to spot some red flags early on—before you've invested too much time in forming a relationship.

Mollie Trainor, originally from Canada, shared a clip on TikTok in which she imparted some pearls of wisdom she learned from a professional in the Big Apple.

Trainor, who now lives in Scotland, said: "The best dating advice I've ever been given was from a professional self-defense expert in New York City. She was so badass, and the advice she gave me was that whenever you are on a first date with a guy, find a reason at some point during the date to say no. Just to see how he reacts to being told no.

"And it doesn't have to be anything big, you don't have to be rude about it. Just find a point in the date when you can say no to him, preferably when you're in public to see how he reacts to being told no.

"Her daughter did this once, didn't like her date's reaction, and then later that date he tried to attack her in the restaurant's bathroom. And this 'no' strategy is very effective, not even just on dates."

She went on to share a personal experience where this piece of advice came into its own, and it wasn't even in a romantic setting, rather on the subway.

Trainor, a dancer, explained: "I was trying to move apartments once in New York City, so I had to pack all of my stuff into this big suitcase, move it up and down the stairs of train stations. And at this one train station a guy stopped me and said: 'Oh I can help you with that stuff.' and I said 'oh no, that's ok, thank you.' And he said 'no, no, no I got it.' And I was like 'no that's ok, I've got it, thank you though.'

"He kept pushing, and then finally he was like 'I'm not a creepy guy,' which is like, red flag, when a guy unprompted says 'I'm not a creepy guy.' Not a good sign. So I said 'I didn't say you were,' even of course now I'm thinking that he is. I said 'I just want to do it myself.' I had to argue with this man for two minutes to get him to let me carry my own suitcase. And that was in public, dealing with a stranger, basically in order to do a chore."

The clip, which can be viewed here, was uploaded at the beginning of last month, and has amassed nearly 3 million views. Trainer captioned it: "When my favourite piece of dating advice is focused on self-preservation."


When my favourite piece of dating advice is focused on self-preservation 😅

♬ original sound - Mollie

The tip has gone down a storm online, as women thanked Trainor for getting the message out there.

LolaWanted raved: "This is such incredible advice. Also we tend to agree and be agreeable on the first date [so as] to come across nice."

Mariss Miyahira revealed: "So true. I've had guys try to kiss me on the first date and I've said no. They got salty, defensive and / or ghosted me afterwards. Dodged bullets lol."

Gino Deca thought: "Really sad to see that women have to have all these tactics to stay safe. Us dudes gotta do better."

"Yes! I stopped dating a guy because he'd get very aggressive if I ever went against what he wanted to do," Monika K commented.

Although Gabriel Buns reckoned: "I'm not a big fan of testing dates or partners. It comes off as manipulative and is kinda a red flag."

Taking a different viewpoint, Ander Kat731 added: "This does not count as playing games. This is risk assessment and it's smart."

Newsweek reached out to Trainor for comment.

Stock image of a man holding flowers.
File photo of a man holding flowers. A woman has revealed the one phrase women should always say on a first date. shironosov/Getty Images