'Thankless Job': Woman Supported for Abandoning Disabled, Bedridden Mother

Reddit is backing a woman who left her disabled, bedridden mother due to a case of favoritism.

The original poster (OP), u/kangaroojoey123, shared her story to the popular r/AmITheA**hole subreddit, earning over 7,200 upvotes and 700 comments for her post, "[Am I the A**hole] for refusing to help my disabled mother because she plays favorites with my sibling?"

She says that her mother is permanently bedridden due to a disability, and she lives in the house with her. Though u/kangaroojoey123's mother does have support workers who help with hygienic concerns, she handles "absolutely everything else: cooking, paying bills, errands, organising home maintenance, checking emails, making her comfortable in bed, shopping, managing investments etc."

She says that she doesn't get any pay from the government for this role, or even any acknowledgement from her mother. She did clarify to Newsweek that she does live rent-free with her mother, but that is the sole extent of any compensation.

"She feels entitled to my help, and it's really a thankless job," u/kangaroojoey123 wrote.

As part of her duties include handling her mother's finances, she noticed that $100,000 was missing from her savings account. After a bit of sleuthing, OP determined that the money was given to her sister. She called up her sister to ask, and found out that it was a gift from their mother so she could buy a brand-new, tricked-out Tesla.

"I was livid by this. Mother has always treated sister as the favourite. Apart from this gift, she has probably given her over $100k in other things over the past few years which I never got. For example, I had to pay for my first car, whereas she got a brand new one paid for. When I moved to college, I had to pay for it myself whereas my mother, who is wealthy, paid for her to have a premium unit," she wrote.

The OP confronted her mother about the favoritism and how she has always felt unappreciated, especially as her live-in caretaker. She even says that in the five years since her father died, she's been unable to leave the house overnight—meaning she's never had a vacation of any sort.

She eventually flat out asked her mom if she had any intention of giving her $100,000 to even things out, and her mother denied the request.

"During our 30 minute argument, she never directly answered how it was fair, instead asking questions like 'do you feel like you've missed out?', among other questions. It reached boiling point, and she ultimately said 'it's my money and I'll spend it on whatever I want'. I said 'fine, I won't be helping you AT ALL anymore,'" she wrote.

That argument was two weeks ago, and since then u/kangaroojoey123 has ignored all of her mother's texts. She also found out that her sister is looking at full-time residential care now that OP isn't helping out anymore, of which she says, "people in my country [consider] a very last resort as the residents are neglected, fed poorly and there's no sense of it being your home."

bedridden disabled mom favoritism toxic aita reddit
A woman is being supported for abandoning her bedridden mother after a lifetime of being looked over for her "golden child" sister. iStock/Getty

Parental favoritism is a common topic on Reddit, and the parents rarely come off very well. One young woman revealed that though her parents made every one of her sister's volleyball games a priority, any of her events were ignored.

Another man was backed for secretly recording his parents talking about how though they would be happy to pay for his younger brother's college tuition, they wouldn't pay for his. He posted the video to social media, causing his grandparents to come over and yell at his parents over their poor treatment of one of their sons. Another parent made their son go to a state school rather than the Ivy League colleges they were accepted to—but when his sister was accepted to the same schools, they sold stock to make sure she could go.

In nearly every case mentioned, the child getting the short end of the stick eventually cut ties with their parents—and were backed by Redditors for doing so. This story is no exception as the forum rallied around u/kangaroojoey123.

"[Not the A**hole] let your sister step up for once. Tell mummy dearest that her golden child can care for her, because you sure as s**t won't be," u/MetalLady86 wrote in the top-rated comment with over 12,000 upvotes.

"Right! I love how as SOON as she stopped doing everything. The favorite one was like 'put her in a crappy senior home, STAT.' That's the one the mom chose," u/JustJessJ_Art agreed.

"The frustrating part is this is the point where my aunt would say 'Well you always hurt the people you love the most because you know they won't leave' and she wonders why I stopped visiting her," u/copper2copper added.

"[Not the A**hole]," u/Eeblirpa wrote. "OP should move out officially and go [non-contact] with mom and sister. She isn't missing out on anything and if mom can gift sister $100k, she can certainly pay for routine care and assistance."

"[Not the A**hole]. Funny how your sister stepping in where you left off or at least putting the Tesla purchase on hold and investigating other care options with her doesn't seem to be on the table," u/mm172 said.

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