Woman Backed for Locking Belongings in Safe Away from Boyfriend

Commenters backed a woman who decided to lock her belongings in a safe to keep her boyfriend from using them without her permission.

The woman, known as u/pinkybinderz, posted about the situation in Reddit's popular "Am I The A**hole" forum where it received more than 12,500 upvotes and 1,700 comments. The post can be found here.

Respect in Relationships

According to psychologist Meghan Marcum for VeryWellHealth, there are several signs that are present when an individual is taking advantage of their partner. Some signs include:

  • Asking for help paying bills or requesting money
  • Imposing themselves without consideration
  • Expecting their partner to take care of their needs
  • Becoming disinterested after needs are met
  • Not reciprocating favors or effort

As clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly told Bustle, "Respect is an important component of every healthy relationship, yet it's absolutely critical for the long-term success of a romantic relationship."

Woman put belongings in safe from boyfriend
Commenters supported the anonymous woman for buying a small safe to put her belongings in. CatEyePerspective/iStock

Manly added that when a sense of respect is not present, partners can become deeply resentful, untrusting, and angry with each other.


In the post titled "AITAH for locking up my 'valuables' in my house?", the 21-year-old woman said she and her boyfriend, 23, have been living together for two years.

She said that although she has always struggled a bit with money, she used to make more than her boyfriend and would pick up "the slack" in the house.

But she said she started a new job and took a pay cut so she is being more cautious about what she spends her money on.

"During our relationship I would usually buy all of his toiletries and most household products," the post read. "I told him I would not be doing this anymore as I need to cut down my own spending and he also works and is capable of buying things on his own."

After the conversation, though, she began noticing her expensive skin care and deodorant were being used up quicker than normal.

"I asked him multiple times to please not use my stuff and even bought him his own skincare so that he could have his own things," the post read. "The thing that set me off was that I had bought myself a $220 dollar face wash that is only supposed to be used sparingly."

She said the face wash is for her eczema and that she requires a prescription for the products she uses.

"I hadn't used it in a while and when I picked up the bottle it was empty," the post read. "He laughed and said he would replace it and then refused when he learnt of the price."

The woman said she took an inventory of everything she owned and discovered that her boyfriend used nearly $800 worth of products in about three months.

"I know he isn't naive because I tell him the price of everything I get and tell him not to use them," the post read.

As a solution, the woman decided to buy a safe that she keeps under her sink. She said she put all her belongings inside and hid the key so she can still use her products but not worry about her boyfriend using them.

"When he found out he lost it and said that I was overreacting and that I don't trust him," the post read. "It's turned into a massive deal and my friends think I'm being harsh."

She said that she cannot afford to keep buying her skincare products but that she was recently hospitalized due to a "huge flare-up" she experienced after running out of her products.

"He's taking it very seriously and I don't know what else to do as I've already tried asking," the post read. "Am I the asshole?"

The Break-Up

But in an update to the post, the woman said that she sat down with her boyfriend and told him why she doesn't trust him anymore and why her skincare is important.

"The conversation went on for some time and I actually thought he may be turning a new leaf," the update read. "Until he told me that in our first year of being together as a couple he had been taking my oral steroids that I was prescribed with, thinking that they would make him buff at the gym."

She said that the entire year she battled with "unbearable" pain and insecurities because she wasn't able to overcome the skin flare-ups.

"Honestly that was the thing that snapped me completely," the update read. "I'm staying at my friend's house for a week and letting him pack his things and figure out a place to go."

Redditor Reactions

More than 1,700 users commented on the post, many defending the woman for wanting to keep her belongings separate from her boyfriend.

"I mean NTA but if you're at the 'buy a safe because I can't trust him to not use my stuff' stage, just break up," one user commented and received nearly 33,000 upvotes.

"Why do people stay with people like this? YOU ARE LOCKING UP YOUR STUFF IN A SAFE SO HE DOESN'T STEAL IT AND HE'S GETTING MAD AT YOU FOR IT," another user commented. "Do you see how ridiculous that is? He has absolutely no respect for you."

"'And that was the final thing that caused me to break up with him' is what you say to everyone because this is clearly the proverbial last straw," another commented. "This guy is disrespecting you and using you, time to kick his leechy a** to the beechy."

"It's amazing how things can gradually go to shit in a relationship and it happens so slow people don't realize how fucked up things have become," another user commented.

"Your boyfriend sucks and is taking advantage of you," another wrote.

"If he was planning on respecting your wishes and not using your products then he would have no issue with you locking them away," another commenter wrote. "It's just a shame that you have to. He should have been respectful of your belongings."

Newsweek reached out to u/pinkybinderz for comment.

Other Viral Posts

In another viral post in Reddit's "Am I The A**hole" forum, a man was supported for placing a padlock on the refrigerator to keep his wife from hoarding more food.

Another man was criticized by commenters for calling his partner a "bad wife" for drinking alcohol while he's a recovering alcoholic, and yet another was criticized on Reddit for demanding her roommate dump out her alcohol because her current boyfriend is sober.