Woman Slammed for Criticizing Granddaughter's Mistakes During Performances

Commenters in a popular internet forum supported a woman who explained that she was prohibiting her mother-in-law from her daughter's plays and piano recitals after she made hurtful comments about her performance.

The anonymous woman, known only as u/vertical-shift-1967, posted in Reddit's popular r/AmITheA**hole forum where it received more than 14,500 upvotes and 3,200 comments, many from people

A recent study published in the Evolutionary Psychological Science journal found that both men and women perceived more conflict with their mothers-in-law than with their actual mothers.

In the post titled "AITA: For telling my husband to stop inviting his mom to our daughter's performances?" the woman explained that she and her husband have a 13-year-old daughter who plays piano and performs in plays outside of school.

Woman not allowed at granddaughter's recitals
Commenters in a popular Reddit forum supported a woman who told her husband his mother was not allowed at their daughter's performances because of rude comments she made. Dejan_Dundjerski/iStock

"Now here's the thing, my husband invites his mom to every performance our daughter has," the post read. "Not saying he shouldn't–BUT many times she'd put my daughter down and point out where she 'messed up' and what she needed to work on."

The woman claimed her mother-in-law makes comments after every recital or play and that it is starting to negatively affect her daughter's self-esteem and her performances.

She told her husband that if his mother did not stop putting down their daughter she would not be invited to their daughter's performances. But her husband replied that he believed his mother should be there for "support."

Before their daughter's most recent performance, she told her husband that his mom could "sit this one out" but he said he already sent her the event information.

"His mom arrived like - 20 minutes later, sat next to him and kept pulling him close while whispering in his ear. I just rolled my eyes, hard," the post read. "Once the play was over and after we got a chance to see our daughter who looked nervous and shaking - mother in law looked at her and said 'let me just say that today's performance was disappointing.' my daughter was in shock and I was floored completely."

Her daughter began to cry and walked away, but the mother-in-law just said that she had to leave because she had a salon appointment for her other granddaughter's birthday party.

The woman, who was "fuming," told her mother-in-law that what she said to her daughter made her upset and was not okay. But the woman replied that she was "just telling it how it is" and left.

When the family got home, the woman said she "lost it" with her husband and said his mother putting their daughter down was not okay. Her husband said she was being "overdramatic" and that his mother was providing "constructive criticism."

"I told him from now on he needs to stop inviting her to our daughter's performances," the post read. "He said I was being ridiculous and that I shouldn't expect his mom to be excluded from her granddaughter's life like that."

The two got in an argument, with her husband saying she was "out of line" and should not "use" their daughter in a fight with his mom. She also claimed he called her "controlling" and "vicious."

In an update, the woman explained that her mother-in-law is "uncomfortable" with her daughter playing piano and believes she is getting "distracted with zero benefits" since she wants her to be a doctor.

The woman also said her mother-in-law thinks she is wasting her husband's money on piano classes since their daughter was nine.

More than 3,200 users commented on the woman's post, many supporting her decision and calling out her husband for siding with his mother instead of his wife.

"Your MIL is cruel, and your husband is a jerk for siding with his mother over his own daughter," one user commented.

"So he's as cruel as his mother? Please don't keep yourself or your daughter in this situation. You both deserve better," another comment read.

"You deserve to have someone who will stand up for you and your child, not add to the criticism," another user wrote. "If you leave, you will show your daughter that nobody deserves to be treated like this."

In the comments, the woman stated her husband's argument is that he believes their daughter is old enough to hear constructive criticism and that his mother does not sugarcoat anything.

But users said his mother's comments were less constructive and more emotionally abusive.

"His mother is EMOTIONALLY abusing your daughter and you can see this - and as a child of a narcissist myself, I understand how he could possibly be still under her abusive control," one user commented.

The user also mentioned her husband might not realize the behavior is harmful because he spent his entire life thinking the behavior was "logical."

Newsweek reached out to u/vertical-shift-1967 for comment.