'Dump This Guy': Boyfriend Demanding to Join 'Girls' Night in' Sparks Fury

A woman has been urged to break off things with her "toxic" boyfriend after he insisted she invite him to a "girls' night in" with her friends.

Domestic violence goes beyond simply physical abuse. For some, it involves a type of emotional abuse that revolves around intimidation, degradation and isolation.

Victims are left exploited and deprived of their independence by abusive partners who take steps to monitor and regulate their everyday behavior. It's called coercive control and it's more widespread than many people realize.

According to data published by the Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence around 1 in 3 women (39.7%) and just under 1 in 2 men (41.1%) have experienced coercive control by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

The charity Women's Aid cites several common red flags to determine whether you are a victim of coercive control. They include, but are not limited to, "isolating you from friends and family," "monitoring your time" and "taking control over aspects of your everyday life, such as where you can go, who you can see, what you can wear and when you can sleep."

Control of this kind can take many forms, but for one woman writing on Reddit, it involved something seemingly innocuous.

When the woman, posting as Defined_Figure_139, first took to the "Am I The A**hole?" subreddit, it was to ask whether she had been out-of-line in her response to her boyfriend who she said had "started asking to join me in my girls' night in."

However, it quickly became apparent that something more sinister was going on, with the post blowing up as a result. At the time of writing, it had been upvoted more than 25,000 times.

According to the woman writing the post, every time she tried to dissuade her boyfriend from coming along to her special get-togethers with friends, he told her "I have to join or you'll have to cancel."

As a result, she said her and her friends had been left feeling "miserable" at "having to sit there with him in the middle." During their most recent meet-up, she said he was "ruining" their conversations by constantly "steering" everything towards his work and achievements—so she decided to get revenge.

"I started bringing up gross/embarrassing subjects and the girls were eating them up by talking about them in detail," she wrote. "Subjects like sex, periods (his most sensitive spot), cramp diarrhea, hairy legs, fart getting trapped in the vulva and coming out the front."

She said he "got quiet suddenly" turned red and eventually excused himself, explaining he just remembered he had "an important meeting" he had to get to.

Her and her friends ended up "laughing hysterically" over his reaction after he left, but he returned later and "berated" her for making him feel "uncomfortable" and then proceeded to give her the silent treatment.

While the woman shared the experience to social media to ask whether she had been out of line with what she did, for the majority, the incident set alarm bells ringing for different reasons.

As jlzania put it: "The big question is why are you choosing to be with a man that refuses to respect your right to hang out with other people without him?"

Euphoric-Round-5182 was similarly concerned, writing: "You're congratulating yourself on grossing him out into leaving and ignoring the real problem. He has all the hallmarks of an abuser. Controlling you, attempting to isolate you, shaming you about basic functions of your body.... You need to dump this guy."

GoodGirlsGrace said: "He basically banned you from hanging with your friends without him present? He demanded you to cancel your plans if it doesn't include him? Most importantly, why does he have so much control over what you do and don't do? This is so toxic."

"You have the right to time on your own with your friends," sandvcrispsrock said. "Please take some time to reflect on your relationship because this is completely unreasonable and inappropriate behavior from him."

Ladderzat, meanwhile, commented: "He sounds controlling and just not pleasant. You have great friends. It's better to dump his ass and keep them in your life, because sooner or later they'll be fed up with him ruining the girls' night and possibly shift the blame on you, as you're the one always bringing him."

PlagueIsTheSemiWise said the post was full of "major red flags" explaining: "A healthy relationship allows for partners to have space with their own friends, and there should be a mutual trust between the partners."

Newsweek has contacted the original poster for comment.

A man sitting with three women.
Stock image of a man sat among three women. A woman has detailed the steps she took after her boyfriend insisted he attend a ladies' night she organized with friends. Kane Skennar/Getty