Woman Splits Opinion Online for Feeling 'Violated' by Husband's Photographs

A situation on Mumsnet has split the internet after a woman described how she feels "violated in my home" and "livid and so upset" after her husband took "secret" photographs.

Posting to the popular discussion site on Monday, the woman said that "in the middle of an argument," her husband showed her "secret photos he had taken of a dirty plate I used weeks ago, a knife and fork and dirty underwear that I left in a bedroom. He said he took them as 'evidence against me.' I was livid and so upset. It is such an invasion of privacy. I felt violated in my home."

She described how she and her husband were having an argument about how much they both do around the house. "DH [dear husband] says he does everything, but conveniently forgets all the household chores I do on a daily basis," she wrote.

Messy Marriage

Messy Wife
Messy wife. Stock Image. A woman has asked if she is being unreasonable for feeling "violated" after her husband takes pictures of the mess she's made in their home. Getty Images

If this situation seems frustratingly familiar to you but you don't think gathering "evidence" is the way forward, wedding planner website Wedding Wire suggests trying to see things from your partner's point of view.

"It's so easy to get wrapped up into how a messy spouse affects your day-to-day life without stopping to think about the potential reasons why he or she may not be living up to your expectations," the website says.

A job that requires late working, feeling low, or maybe just a childhood habit, there are many reasons why your partner might be messy, and it's likely not to be to intentionally upset you.

Instead of taking photographs of the mess, which clearly doesn't garner a positive reaction, Wedding Wire suggests writing a list of things that really bother you: "Perhaps you hate that your messy wife never empties the dishwasher, but she is a pro at other tasks? Think in terms of what you absolutely cannot tolerate and certain things that you can either live with or seek out help for (i.e. using a laundry service)."


Users were split over whether the wife was overreacting to her husband's behavior. "Well put your dirty underwear in the laundry basket and then you won't feel violated," said one disgruntled user, while another thought the idea of being violated was ridiculous, writing: "YABVU [you are being very unreasonable]. You have not been violated, don't be so silly. If you don't like it, clear up after yourself."

In a later update the original poster said: "Hands up. I admit it was a mistake to leave dirty underwear in the bedroom. But why not just mention it to me? Taking photos behind my back is very underhand. And to put it in context, he has spoke about 'gathering evidence' against me before. For what? Good question. I guess I just don't trust him."

Some users believed it was strange behavior from the husband, with one writing: "That is very weird behavior actually. The evidence thing particularly alarm bell ringing. I bet he's taking them to share with someone else, building his 'case' to justify whatever he is planning. But obviously MNetters don't believe in boundaries when you live with someone."

One user justified how the original user felt, writing: "It was weird of him to take pictures of your underwear. Plus the other pics. If you feel violated that's how you feel. No one can say you don't feel that way. What is the 'evidence' for?"

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.

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