Woman Who Told Mom and Ill Stepdad They're 'Already Dead and Buried' Backed
A woman's refusal to help her mom care for her sick stepdad has been backed online by thousands of Redditors.
In a now-viral Reddit post, the woman shared that she'd turned down supporting her mother who is caring for her sick husband, even though her mother had "pleaded" with her to remain involved in her husband's care.
The woman's reasoning for stepping away was that her mother and stepfather had always forced her to call her stepfather "dad" and to correct anyone who assumed he was not her biological father.
"My mom and I have a contentious relationship," the 25-year-old wrote. "We have been mostly estranged for the last 7 years. I say mostly because she has made some effort to stay in touch while I faded away. My dad died when I was 4. Mom and him were not married but they were together. She leaned heavily on my dad's family for a couple of years. Then she moved us away so that she could start a better life for us."
The woman went on to reveal that after moving, her mother met a man named John and married him.
"I was told, more than once, by John and my mom, that John was now my father and that I was told to call him dad, and refer to him as dad with others. I was to correct those who said he was my stepdad," the Redditor shared.
"I didn't want to do this, but I was punished and John yelled at me multiple times for 'disrespecting his love' and I was berated and told he was stepping up to take me on as his daughter."
The woman wrote in the post, which can be seen here, that her mother always backed John and supported his forcefulness.
"I didn't want John to be my father...Now, John has been diagnosed with a neurological condition and my mom is caring for him. She asked me to come and help her. To help him. To help out their children. I refused," the Redditor explained.
In the fiery conversation, the woman told her mother that she'd "failed" her and that "as far as [she] was concerned they were already dead and buried and [wanted] nothing to do with [her]."
Her mother responded by saying that she was being unfair and lacking compassion.
After being shamed for her decision by her mother and a family friend, the woman has felt unsure whether her refusal to help was justified or not. She remains torn over whether she should forgive her parents for their past toxicity and support them during this difficult time or to move forward alone. She called upon internet users to assess the situation and help her reach a fair conclusion.
Since it was shared to the social media platform on March 6 by @ImogeeMore, the post has been upvoted by 97 percent of the users who engaged with it and commented more than 1,200 times. Most Redditors have slammed the woman's parents and have supported her in her decision to back away from them.
"Your mom and stepdad both failed you as parents. Both of them disrespected your memory of your father. Your stepdad forcing you to call him something he wasn't entitled to and didn't live up to," one user wrote.
Another user added: "Mom gets to air out her problems and get someone to stand up for her, but the OP didn't have anyone they could call and it sounds like no one stood up for her. Maybe if they did, things would be different today."
How to Care for a Sick Relative at Home?
While the Redditor has decided not to support her mother and stepfather who is battling a neurological condition, most people would be keen to assist with the care of a sick loved one.
Frank Thewes, a therapist who owns the counselling firm Path Forward Therapy in Princeton, New Jersey, told Newsweek that the most crucial thing for caregivers to bare in mind when supporting an unwell loved one is that they should make sure they are always taking care of themselves, too.
"To effectively care for someone else, your well-being has to be intact. Set up a self-care routine for yourself and pay attention to your sleep and similar needs," he said.
"Your mental and physical stability is a priority, too. You're a more effective caregiver when your needs are met along with those of the person you are caring for."
Is there a health issue that's worrying you? Let us know via health@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
