Man Bashed for Making Wife Pay For IVF Treatments Since It's Her 'Problem'

Though she asked about another issue, a woman is being supported for sharing that her husband refuses to contribute to their in-vitro fertilization (IVF) fund, since he says she's "the one with the problem."

The original poster (OP), u/throwra5755557, initially asked if she was wrong for demanding her husband's best friend return the money he gave him from the IVF fund in her post "AITA for getting back the money my husband took from our IVF treatment and gave to his friend?" She earned over 7,000 upvotes and 1,500 comments in four hours for her trouble.

She says the most recent time when her husband threw the IVF fund in her face was when she discovered he had taken the bulk of the money—$7,000 out of $11,000—to loan to his best friend he's known since high school. The reason? The friend was complaining about his "old junk" car, and so the OP's husband took it on himself to loan him the money for a new one.

"I was beyond livid I asked if he really thought that was okay and he said that I shouldn't worry and guaranteed his friend will pay us back in time. I lost it on him and immediately demanded his friend to send the money back and threatened police involvement in case he refused," she wrote.

The money was indeed returned, but the friend was upset about the threat to involve the police. Her husband returned insulting her, saying she was "unhinged and selfish".

She added that the couple has had fertility problems for years, and that they'd just tried a round of IVF. At that time, though she paid for most of it, her husband contributed $2-3,000, she says. But for the potential second round, she put up all the money—including her inheritance from her father—while he refused to pay a dime.

"I told him I saved up some of this money/used my inheritance for this treatment while he contributed nothing even though we're in this together. He 'corrected' me saying I'm the one with the problem and he thought it's only fair that I 'make up' for it by paying for the IVF myself. This hurt so badly and I couldn't argue anymore," she wrote.

In a comment, she shared more information.

"I've always wanted to be a mother and he knows how much grief I carry because of my struggle to have kids yet keeps throwing this line in my face in every fight we have. It's tiresome and it feels like he'll always hold this over my head," she wrote.

ivf husband $7000 car loan reddit aita
A woman is being supported after her husband said that the reason he refused to contribute to the couple's IVF fund is because she's "the one with the problem." iStock/Getty

IVF is a popular, though expensive, method for a couple facing fertility problems to have a child of their own. Eggs and sperm are harvested from the couple, and then in a lab they're mixed in order to fertilize the eggs. Once this happens, a fertilized embryo is placed into the uterus.

However, this isn't a sure thing—in order to become pregnant, the embryo has to implant itself in the uterine lining, according to Planned Parenthood. Though some couples get lucky, many times an embryo doesn't attach during the first round of IVF. It's also quite expensive, with Planned Parenthood estimating the cost to be as much as $15,000 per round.

Parent Chris Lawson told Newsweek about his experience with IVF—which was successful, but only after five years of trying.

"We were creating a good number of embryos, but nothing was happening when they were implanted; we weren't getting pregnant. It becomes almost like this cruel game of roulette, where you realize the more spins of the wheel you have, the more likely pregnancy is to happen. But when it doesn't work, it's difficult and you have to dust yourself down and try again, hoping that your money doesn't run out," Lawson wrote.

IVF has also proven a popular topic on Reddit—but most of these posts are about people refusing to offer up the money for IVF treatments for their family members or friends. Usually, Reddit backs the person holding the purse-strings, like in the case of a woman who started her own business instead of paying for her sister's IVF, or a man who refused to give up his share of his father's inheritance to pay for his sister's procedure.

In addition, the recent Supreme Court decision overturning Roe v. Wade, which guaranteed the right to abortion, could also result in a ban of IVF in 30 states. Since IVF involves the fertilization of egg cells, it is unclear if throwing out unused fertilized eggs would run afoul of anti-abortion laws.

Though u/throwra5755557 asked about the $7,000 loan, Reddit focused more on her husband refusing to contribute to the IVF fund, and his comment that she was "the one with the problem."

"I hate to say it, but ... you should run," u/MaybeAWalrus wrote in the top-rated comment, with over 7,500 upvotes. "This man has no respect for you. How could he say something so hurtful to the person he is supposed to love ? If this is really what he thinks of you, he doesn't deserve you. [Not the A**hole]."

"OP, as someone with [Polycystic ovary syndrome] who will likely need medical intervention if I ever want to have a baby myself... do not do this to yourself. You're not broken, and you DON'T need to settle for someone who treats you like crap to have a family," u/sapphicsapphires wrote. "Think long and hard if this is the sort of man you'd want as the father figure to your kids. The kind who treat women as somehow defective for fertility issues? The kind who will always put friends first, and steal from you. You deserve better. Good luck."

"He keeps doing this?? That is super hurtful. I don't mean to be a jerk but does he actually love you? Is he lashing out because he wants a child too, but he can't handle his own grief? I really think y'all need to get into this with some talking and some counseling because if he keeps doing this to you, there is a huge problem here. You should not have to be attacked like that. This is just awful," u/JustJazzedToBeHere wrote.

"He will always hold it over your head. That is such a horrible mean vicious thing to say. Bare minimum counseling but really consider if someone this selfish will make a good father. [Not the A**hole]," u/KeyBox6804 wrote.

Newsweek reached out to u/throwra5755557 for comment.