Woman Supported For Ruining Her Bestie's Boyfriend's Surprise Proposal Plan

A woman is being praised for spoiling her best friend's boyfriend's surprise plan to propose after he put her in an awkward position.

Writing to the popular Reddit forum r/AmITheA**hole—usually stylized "AITA"—u/Fit-Objective704 earned over 6,000 upvotes and 800 comments in 13 hours for her post, "AITA? I told my best friend's boyfriend that he planned on proposing to her at my wedding"

The original poster (OP) says that her best friend, "Rita," has been with her boyfriend for three years, and he's been getting antsy to propose. He's asked u/Fit-Objective704 for advice on rings and other things to make his proposal great.

This isn't the only wedding in play. In two weeks the OP's getting married, and she asked Rita to be a bridesmaid. And though Rita's boyfriend has involved OP in the process, he's been cagey about the details of the actual proposal—only saying it was going to be a surprise.

He also asked u/Fit-Objective704 if he could give a speech at her wedding. The request was denied, as she thought it was weird—none of her other friends were going to speak; just her sister—who is also maid of honor' and the parents of the bride and groom. This upset him, and he kept haranguing her to let him speak.

The degree to which he was upset confused the OP until another bridesmaid let her in on the secret: He wanted to give a speech in order to propose to Rita at her wedding. When she found out, she was appalled, and immediately called him out, not just on "how he thinks this is a good idea" but that he had the audacity to "just ask and then I could decide whether or not I'm comfortable with it."

"He said he knew I'd say no and that's why he didn't tell me anything. This made me even more angry," u/Fit-Objective wrote.

She told him not to do anything further or she'd uninvite him from the wedding. She says he "literally laughed at my face," saying she wouldn't uninvite him because he knew she wouldn't want to disappoint Rita. He "said my hands are tied and there's nothing I can do about it," since she'd have to explain the reason he couldn't come, spoiling the surprise.

The OP called his bluff, and told Rita that he wasn't welcome—not just at the wedding, but anywhere she was going to be. Rita was mad, and kept asking why—eventually saying she wouldn't go to the wedding if she wasn't told the reason. Eventually the OP cracked and told her that he was going to co-opt her wedding to propose.

Rita got mad at her boyfriend for trying to pull that stunt—but also at u/Fit-Objective704 for ruining the surprise.

"Rita... said that I could just make up a lie on why I uninvited him and tell her the truth after he would have proposed to her and that now I ruined one of the best surprises she'd have in her life," she wrote. "I feel so bad right now and I don't know if I did the right thing but at the same time I believe I was in a lose lose situation and I'd still get blamed even if i made up a lie and reveal the truth later."

proposal wedding co-opt surprise stop derail jerk
Reddit is mostly disgusted by a man who tried to force a woman to let him propose to his girlfriend at her wedding. iStock/Getty

Proposing can be tricky. Sometimes it goes wonderfully, like when one man proposed to his bookworm girlfriend with a library-based scavenger hunt, or a picturesque proposal at the Grand Canyon in front of the world's natural beauty. But it's not always picture perfect—like when an overzealous Disney employee interrupts to change the location, the bride-to-be doesn't realize she's being proposed to, or when the potential groom doesn't realize a McDonald's isn't a romantic location.

But one of the biggest rules is not to try steamroll over someone else's big event. One man proposed at a wedding and was derided as "tacky"—even though, in this case, it was the bride's idea. Generally, when there's something big like a wedding or a baby shower, piggybacking on the event is seen as stealing focus on the one day where someone should to be able to expect they'll be the center of attention.

"The day of someone's wedding is one day out of an entire year," etiquette expert Elaine Swann told lifestyle magazine Real Simple. "We have to keep in mind that the couple is creating a memorable moment that will last a lifetime and a proposal should not be part of the one day that the couple has to themselves: Let them enjoy it!"

Redditors were similarly offended by Rita's boyfriend's plan, agreeing u/Fit-Objective704 did the right thing.

"[Not the A**hole]," u/RemarkableDonkey21 wrote in the top-rated comment with over 11,600 upvotes. "If you didn't tell her, it could've ruined your relationship with her, so you were right to do so. He is the a**hole for treating you like s**t, and not respecting the fact that it's your wedding."

"Honestly you guys don't even need to justify it. he laughed in her face and said 'you won't do it because then you'd have to tell her why and you wouldn't dare. I have you by the b**ls'. She didn't even need Rita to press cuz my petty a** would have called her right up and told her he was uninvited and why and how he went about everything and she can thank his toxic behavior for ruining the surprise," u/IcyAdvantage1768 agreed.

"Who she SHOULD be angry at is her [boyfriend], who is responsible for... let's see... 100%of this situation," u/nutmegisme wrote.

"Nah, both of them are just trashy right now. Who the hell thinks it's okay to 1) Make a surprise proposal at someone's wedding; and 2) Insist there's nothing the bride can do about it, and ask them what they're going to do about it?" u/mischaracterised wrote. "[Not the A**hole]."

Newsweek reached out to u/Fit-Objective704 for comment.